Francistown Times: News from the Imperial Federal Kingdom

You hurt my feelings. Jkjk Nice newspaper Danyyy!

The singing cucumbers etc remind me a bit of the news ticker in SC3K. There were some funny ones in there.

Thanks a lot for commenting, everyone


MERIDA, RUTERIA- Recently, a few Ruterian scholars have claimed that the world will end on December 23, 2011, based on information deduced from the Mutir Long Count Calendar.

The Mutir Long Count calendar is a non-repeating, vigesimal (base-20) and base-18 calendar used by Mutir cultures. For this reason, it is sometimes known as the Mutir Long Count calendar. Using a modified vigesimal tally, the Long Count calendar identifies a day by counting the number of days passed since a mythical creation date that corresponds to August 11, 3114 BCE in the Gregorian calendar. The Long Count calendar was widely used on monuments. In 1966, George Maninson wrote in The Mutir that "there is a suggestion ... that Armageddon would overtake the degenerate peoples of the world and all creation on the final day of the 13th [b'ak'tun]. Thus ... our present universe [would] be annihilated [in December 2011] when the Great Cycle of the Long Count reaches completion."

The 2010 disaster film 2011 was inspired by the phenomenon, and advance promotion prior to its release included a stealth marketing campaign in which TV spots and websites from the fictional "Institute for Human Continuity" called on people to prepare for the end of the world. As these promotions did not mention the film itself, many viewers believed them to be real and contacted astronomers in panic. Although the campaign was heavily criticized, the film became one of the most successful of its year, grossing nearly 385 million enieos worldwide.

Despite the publicity generated by the 2011 date, Sandra Nuno, curator of Ancient Itzamnan Art and Archaeology at the Samasilian Museum of Natural History, stated that "We have no record or knowledge that [the Mutir] would think the world would come to an end" in 2011. "For the ancient Mutir, it was a huge celebration to make it to the end of a whole cycle," says Samuel Antra, executive director of the Foundation for the Advancement of Mutir Studies in Rio Cristal, Hiso. To render December 23, 2011, as a doomsday event or moment of cosmic shifting, she says, is "a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in." "There will be another cycle," says Julia Parker, director of the Mousford University; Middle Isthmusan Research Institute (MIRI). "We know the Mutir thought there was one before this, and that implies they were comfortable with the idea of another one after this."

On a related note, a small team of Ruterian and Grandian researchers and archeologists, which is currently excavating some newly-discovered Ruterian ruins not too far from Uxmal, in order to study the Mutir and their connections with the year 2011, has been granted complete access to all archeological sites and installations in Ruteria, as well as a large funding grant from the Ruterian Ministry of History and Culture, to enable them to further study the Mutir.

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FORTILLA, TROIX- Troix is a Federal Republic no longer! After decades of being a republic, a referendum was held yesterday to decide on whether or not the former Emperor Jutsu, who was Troix' leader during the Great Adonian War, should be restored as the Head of State, and also on the related question of whether or not the nation's official name should be changed from "Federal Republic of Troix" to "Imperial Federal Kingdom of Troix". The final results of the referendum showed that 83.45% of the population supports restoring the Emperor onto his throne and changing the nation's official name, while 16.55% of the population opposes doing such a thing and wishes to remain a republic. Thus, with the referendum having passed, the Second Coronation of Jutsu, Emperor of Troix, is set for sometime in December.

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In other news...

- Ruterian Civil War nearing a close as bilateral secession treaty between Republicans and Monarchists is drafted
- Ruteria admitted to the Posilliponian Commonwealth - now jointly ruled by Queen Sofia IV of Posillipo and Queen Monica I of Ruteria
- Posillipo shortens official name to just "Kingdom of Posillipo" - also abolishes title of Vasílissa of Posillipo, replaced with Queen of Posillipo
- Ordanus signs free trade agreement with Posillipo

Wow, fantastic newspaper! VERY VERY informative.

Love the news.. some good information.

Thanks for the news about Ordanus and Posilipo.

If anything bad happens at the end of the year.. i'm blaming you for unearthing this.

Cool!

Maybe my calculations are correct jk jk Excellent News Paper, and obviously an Update from the Ruterian Ruins is coming soon

Excellent Newspaper, I Love It!!!

Yes, it's great, congrats to Charles and Posillipo would like to make it known that all it's airspace excluding New Vennisieux and Astey have been closed.

Lol @ "Volcano refuses to shut up" Love it!!

Congratulations to King-Emperor Charles I woo!

Great news update.. Love the picture of the ash cloud.

Congrats on the Royal engagement.

I'm getting worried about this war with the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs, Singing Potatoes, and Dancing Cucumber .. who know what could happen!

again my condolences to the families affected, and good luck to all that step up to the plate and....Mysterious Rabbit people.......MY PEOPLE ARE HERE =D=D -grabs some bags and books a trip to Area 52-

Flying Rabbit People

Amazing as Always ~!!!! MY POOR RUTERIA!!!

Condolences to Ruteria

D: Flying Rabbit People

Wonderful Newspaper.

Boneila at its best!

Daniel wrote:
- Residents of Frikseltown report that the Singing Potatoes have all been boiled and eaten by the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs
- Mysterious rabbit people seen flying around Area 52 in the deserts of Malo

I think you've got some explaining to do buddy

K50 wrote:

Daniel wrote:
- Residents of Frikseltown report that the Singing Potatoes have all been boiled and eaten by the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs
- Mysterious rabbit people seen flying around Area 52 in the deserts of Malo

I think you've got some explaining to do buddy

1) If you paid attention to earlier updates, you would see that the residents of Frikseltown are usually drunk out of their minds
2) No, they are not Boneilans (I think)

To everyone else: THANKS A LOT FOR COMMENTING!!!

Doesnt anyone care about the health of the dog? .. My God people .. 15hotdogs and 3steaks.

Great looking news even though it is filled with tragedy.

Excellent Newspaper, simply love it.