The United Sovereign Nations


You are not connected. Please login or register

The Turnip

Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

1 The Turnip on Sat Apr 05, 2014 10:51 pm

Kurt

avatar
Admin (Shayden)
Admin (Shayden)


The Turnip is a Shaydian digital media company and news satire organization. It runs an entertainment website featuring
satiricalarticles reporting on international, national, and local news, and a creative services division called Turnip Labs.
Since 2007, the organization has published satirical news audio and video online, as the "Turnip News Network". Web traffic
on theturnip.com amounts to an average of 13 million unique visitors per month.

The Turnip's articles comment on current events, both real and fictional. It parodies traditional news websites with stories,
editorials,op-ed pieces, and man-in-the-street interviews, using a traditional news website layout and an editorial voice.
Its humor often depends on presenting mundane, everyday events as newsworthy, surreal or alarming ("Man Receives Job that
Any Other Person Could Have Received") or parodying the media's portrayal of news ("Bergenstein Excited to Participate in
Largest Angry Mob Against It Yet").

View user profile

2 Re: The Turnip on Sat Apr 05, 2014 11:14 pm

Kurt

avatar
Admin (Shayden)
Admin (Shayden)
World Continues Not Taking Bergenstein Seriously


An image showing how savage and violent their culture is. Do you think Bergenstein has the face of mercy?

By: Chris Negado
April 5th, 2014


Bergenstein, the official miniature-Neridea of Althena continues to never be taken seriously
no matter how much it tries to get attention and recognition. From political instability to
a Civil War, nothing seems to change Bergenstein's lack of importance in the International
Community. Its last attempt to cry out for attention like the unappreciated child it is only
managed to make Althenian nations gang up on them and crush what importance they had to the
world they even had beforehand.

One issue possibly linked to the nation's lack of importance may have to be due to its general
instability “I think no one takes them seriously since they are so exploitable thanks to their
weak central government. One time we shipped boxes of dead squirrels to the stores we own in
Bergenstein and we actually managed to get seventy-three strings, fifty-two paper clips, one
hundred bricks, and ninety-eight broken light bulbs. While we were surprised that they even
had light bulbs (or technology in general) in Bergenstein, we were also surprised that their
community was so organized with their currency that time around. We actually made around §421
off of that dead squirrel sale, which is better than what we were expecting since the
crap-load of currency conversions we need to go through before getting an actual currency
usually costs us around §3,500.” said Kirk Stahmham, owner of a local meat producing plant.
“We never got in trouble for selling those squirrels, which in Shayden would have at least
caused a hooker or twenty to be launched at my house.”

Second of all, Bergenstein is an oppressive state whose government lives in its own little
world. The obvious rigging of a referendum proves that point as all international powers appose
the results yet Bergenstein defends it. Shayden, a nation seeking democracy, equality, and hookers
for all even made the comment: “Shayden does not take anything the Bergenstein Government claims
seriously at this point due to the lack of rationality.” The Ambassador to Bergenstein Jon Hattum
commented on our article, saying: “The first day I woke up here I recall saying to myself:
'Where the (Censored) am I? What the (Censored) is this? Why is there a naked man
standing on top of my bed? What is this? Did Ben drop me from a helicopter after drugging me
again?!'” He later commented that he couldn't say more or else he would have been killed/confused
by Bergenstein's poor rationality.

To conclude, no one is going to care about Bergenstein ever unless they leave the Dark Ages.



Last edited by Kurt on Sat Apr 05, 2014 11:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

View user profile

3 Re: The Turnip on Sat Apr 05, 2014 11:44 pm

I literally ROFLed

View user profile http://oktimes.canadian-forum.com

4 Re: The Turnip on Sun Apr 06, 2014 12:35 am

Chris

avatar
Member (Mitron)
Member (Mitron)
Hehe, funny! Smile

View user profile

5 Re: The Turnip on Sun Apr 06, 2014 3:12 am

Scotch Moen

avatar
Member (Folland)
Member (Folland)
That was awesome. That poor ambassador, I feel so sorry for him. Razz That naked man standing on his bed could have had rabies.

View user profile http://www.dehyan.deviantart.com

6 Re: The Turnip on Sun Apr 06, 2014 4:40 am

Agunter999


Member (Bergenstein & Kallvarde)
Member (Bergenstein & Kallvarde)
That is such a brilliant picture of bergenstein.I loveit. I actually have a news similar to this, look in my news thread for Lut news. I haven't done one for a while so you will have to scroll back a bit. I still love this though

View user profile

7 Re: The Turnip on Sat May 24, 2014 2:59 pm

Kurt

avatar
Admin (Shayden)
Admin (Shayden)
Bergenstein Clings to Shiny Sword


A Bergenstein Soldier draws his weapon, prepared to attack any Okaiken Invaders

By: Jack Degrado
May 24th, 2014


Bergenstein has further decided to prove it is a third-world country. The Chancellor of
Bergenstein has announced threats toward Okaiken if it were to confiscate Okaiken artifacts,
which includes a shiny sword. This sword was awarded to Bergenstein to be used as a
distraction to prevent the wild savages killing the Okaikens and using their corpses as
sacrifices to the Instability God. The Okaikens did escape alive that day, but dealt with weeks
of horrible diseases afterwards.

The Chancellor's Official Statement: "Shiny shiny ours. You take, we go boom boom", proves
that either Bergenstein is threatening to attack Okaiken forces with gunfire or feces if they
were to try to confiscate the Sword.

Okaiken citizens have called for the execution of the Chancellor and his family, which the
Chancellor replied with a few fart noises using his mouth, and then what we believe to be
an actual fart.

Okaiken officials still have no idea how to respond to this.



Last edited by Kurt on Sat May 24, 2014 3:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

View user profile

8 Re: The Turnip on Sat May 24, 2014 3:01 pm

Agunter999


Member (Bergenstein & Kallvarde)
Member (Bergenstein & Kallvarde)
ummmm you do know the High King is in exile in Abbasid, use the chancellor, he is the one in control Wink

View user profile

9 Re: The Turnip on Sat May 24, 2014 3:02 pm

Scotch Moen

avatar
Member (Folland)
Member (Folland)
If that rifle was loaded, you could just watch as it somehow fires and shoots him in the foot.

View user profile http://www.dehyan.deviantart.com

10 Re: The Turnip on Sat May 24, 2014 7:58 pm

Willem

avatar
Member (Bruellen)
Member (Bruellen)
Only in Bergenstein. Razz

View user profile

11 Re: The Turnip on Sun May 25, 2014 2:36 am

Kisa Atsuko

avatar
Member (Sundanesia)
Member (Sundanesia)
That image looks like a dualfunctional weapon (aside from assault riffle also as bow) Razz

also feces war did ever exist in world  lol! 
http://catalystjourn.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/world-war-poo/

View user profile

12 Re: The Turnip on Sun May 25, 2014 10:47 am

Lol

We really want to execute the Berg royal family, cos family swords are supposed to be used to sever nobility lines Razz

View user profile http://oktimes.canadian-forum.com

13 Re: The Turnip on Mon May 26, 2014 1:05 am

stanislavsoltys

avatar
Member (Malinova)
Member (Malinova)
The article seems surprisingly accurate as far as I'm concerned. Razz

View user profile http://www.freetrojan.gov/obamacare/government-funding.htm

Sponsored content


Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum