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Francistown Times: News from the Imperial Federal Kingdom

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stanislavsoltys

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You hurt my feelings. 😢 Jkjk Nice newspaper Danyyy! Razz

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Qorten

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The singing cucumbers etc remind me a bit of the news ticker in SC3K. There were some funny ones in there.

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Thanks a lot for commenting, everyone Smile




Scientist claims the end of the world is near
by Jim Haskins


Mutir numerals
MERIDA, RUTERIA- Recently, a few Ruterian scholars have claimed that the world will end on December 23, 2011, based on information deduced from the Mutir Long Count Calendar.

The Mutir Long Count calendar is a non-repeating, vigesimal (base-20) and base-18 calendar used by Mutir cultures. For this reason, it is sometimes known as the Mutir Long Count calendar. Using a modified vigesimal tally, the Long Count calendar identifies a day by counting the number of days passed since a mythical creation date that corresponds to August 11, 3114 BCE in the Gregorian calendar. The Long Count calendar was widely used on monuments. In 1966, George Maninson wrote in The Mutir that "there is a suggestion ... that Armageddon would overtake the degenerate peoples of the world and all creation on the final day of the 13th [b'ak'tun]. Thus ... our present universe [would] be annihilated [in December 2011] when the Great Cycle of the Long Count reaches completion."

The 2010 disaster film 2011 was inspired by the phenomenon, and advance promotion prior to its release included a stealth marketing campaign in which TV spots and websites from the fictional "Institute for Human Continuity" called on people to prepare for the end of the world. As these promotions did not mention the film itself, many viewers believed them to be real and contacted astronomers in panic. Although the campaign was heavily criticized, the film became one of the most successful of its year, grossing nearly 385 million enieos worldwide.

Despite the publicity generated by the 2011 date, Sandra Nuno, curator of Ancient Itzamnan Art and Archaeology at the Samasilian Museum of Natural History, stated that "We have no record or knowledge that [the Mutir] would think the world would come to an end" in 2011. "For the ancient Mutir, it was a huge celebration to make it to the end of a whole cycle," says Samuel Antra, executive director of the Foundation for the Advancement of Mutir Studies in Rio Cristal, Hiso. To render December 23, 2011, as a doomsday event or moment of cosmic shifting, she says, is "a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in." "There will be another cycle," says Julia Parker, director of the Mousford University; Middle Isthmusan Research Institute (MIRI). "We know the Mutir thought there was one before this, and that implies they were comfortable with the idea of another one after this."

On a related note, a small team of Ruterian and Grandian researchers and archeologists, which is currently excavating some newly-discovered Ruterian ruins not too far from Uxmal, in order to study the Mutir and their connections with the year 2011, has been granted complete access to all archeological sites and installations in Ruteria, as well as a large funding grant from the Ruterian Ministry of History and Culture, to enable them to further study the Mutir.





Troix now an Imperial Federal Kingdom!
by Phil Benson


Final results of the referendum
FORTILLA, TROIX- Troix is a Federal Republic no longer! After decades of being a republic, a referendum was held yesterday to decide on whether or not the former Emperor Jutsu, who was Troix' leader during the Great Adonian War, should be restored as the Head of State, and also on the related question of whether or not the nation's official name should be changed from "Federal Republic of Troix" to "Imperial Federal Kingdom of Troix". The final results of the referendum showed that 83.45% of the population supports restoring the Emperor onto his throne and changing the nation's official name, while 16.55% of the population opposes doing such a thing and wishes to remain a republic. Thus, with the referendum having passed, the Second Coronation of Jutsu, Emperor of Troix, is set for sometime in December.




In other news...

- Ruterian Civil War nearing a close as bilateral secession treaty between Republicans and Monarchists is drafted
- Ruteria admitted to the Posilliponian Commonwealth - now jointly ruled by Queen Sofia IV of Posillipo and Queen Monica I of Ruteria
- Posillipo shortens official name to just "Kingdom of Posillipo" - also abolishes title of Vasílissa of Posillipo, replaced with Queen of Posillipo
- Ordanus signs free trade agreement with Posillipo

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Chip

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Wow, fantastic newspaper! VERY VERY informative. Smile


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Love the news.. some good information.

Thanks for the news about Ordanus and Posilipo.

If anything bad happens at the end of the year.. i'm blaming you for unearthing this.

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Cool!

Razz

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alerules22

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Maybe my calculations are correct Razz jk jk Excellent News Paper, and obviously an Update from the Ruterian Ruins is coming soon Wink

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King-Emperor Charles I announces his engagement
by Maria Bargson


Jóhanna Guðrúndóttir attending the Usong song competition earlier this year
FRANCISTOWN, GRAND- Today, in a press conference held in a wing of the Imperial Senate building, King Charles announced his engagement to Jóhanna Guðrúndóttir, the famous 18-year-old singer from Gamat. He first met Jóhanna in mid-August, while visiting the Gamatian capital of Kjiadvick as part of his world tour, which he began a few days after his coronation on the 28th of July. Not too long afterwards, she was invited to perform at the party to celebrate the birthday of Charles' younger sister, Princess Amanthis. It is speculated that it was around this time that Charles and Jóhanna first started dating. It was about a week ago that Charles proposed to her, although their engagement was kept a secret until now. She was originally scheduled to come to Grand a few days ago, but, since the eruption of the Askivötn volcano in the southern portion of Gamat, which has resulted in thousands of flights being cancelled across the entire western half of Althena, she was unable to fly here. The possibility of taking a ship, most likely the Royal Yacht, was dismissed because of the high risk of an iceberg collision at this time of year, when the waters around Gamat are choked full of ice in all shapes and sizes.




Askivötn refuses to shut up
by Sam Arken


Map of ash cloud (black: original size; dark grey: current size; light grey: predicted size by tomorrow)
FRANCISTOWN, GRAND- Airports across Western Althena, from Athanos to Stretton, are in a state of confusion, as all flights crossing, landing, or taking off from Western Althenan airports have been cancelled as the ash cloud from Askivötn continues to spead. Aftershocks of the mass cancellations have left large numbers of passengers stranded as far as Fortilla, the capital of Troix, which is nearly on the other side of the world from the ash cloud. Apelkos International Airport and Zebtase International Airport, Malo's two international airports, were closed the day after the eruptions, but AIA has since reopened for some flights, as the ash cloud is not predicted to reach Malo for another 40 hours at least. Although the ash cloud was originally not predicted to reach Grand, at the current rate of expansion, the ash may very well reach the capital within the next 60 hours.




In other news...

- Deadlock encountered - tensions betweeen Ruterian Republicans and Monarchists rising again
- New Chandler and Ordanus working on a deal to purchase horse hooves for glue in exchange for meat
- Residents of Frikseltown claim that Giant Mutant Monster Frogs, Singing Potatoes, and Dancing Cucumbers are currently engaged in a three-way war
- Francistown Film Festival to begin in a few days



Last edited by Daniel on Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:16 am; edited 1 time in total

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alerules22

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Excellent Newspaper, I Love It!!!

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Chip

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Yes, it's great, congrats to Charles and Posillipo would like to make it known that all it's airspace excluding New Vennisieux and Astey have been closed.


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stanislavsoltys

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Lol @ "Volcano refuses to shut up" Razz Love it!! Very Happy

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Congratulations to King-Emperor Charles I woo!

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Great news update.. Love the picture of the ash cloud.

Congrats on the Royal engagement.

I'm getting worried about this war with the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs, Singing Potatoes, and Dancing Cucumber .. who know what could happen!

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Colossal earthquake in Ruteria
by Amy Higgins


A shot of one area of Merida taken from a Royal Grandian Navy helicopter
JUST OUTSIDE MERIDA, RUTERIA- Disaster! A 9.3 earthquake hit Ruteria earlier today, knocking out nearly all communications. According to the latest reports from the Grandian and Malonese militaries, who were the first foreigners to arrive to help (being already stationed in Ruteria), among many other areas the historic 400-year old Zocalo district has been flattened. Also, the Tomb of the Blessed King Juan IV of Ruteria, who died in Grand earlier this year, was reported to have collapsed, as was first reported by members of the Ruterian Royal Guard, and confirmed soon afterwards by Grandian jet planes surveying the area, which were based from the GNS Victory, anchored off the Ruterian coast. The rest of the Royal Palace appears to have survived the earthquake relatively unscathed, fortunately.The Victory, like most of the Grandian naval fleet, was anchored on the east side of Ruteria, and in deep water, and so survived. However, two Grandian patrol boats, who had passed through the Bahatla Canal to patrol the part of the Ruterian coastline still held by rebels, have gone missing since the tsunami hit their area minutes after they were issued a warning to leave; search efforts are underway. The earthquake, one of the largest in Adonian history, has left at least 20,000 people missing, including well over 6,000 Grandians, with the number expected to rise over the coming days.. Preliminary estimates show that the earthquake was so powerful that it may have shortened the length of the day by 1.26 microseconds and shifted Adonia's axis by 8 cm or 2.7 milliarcseconds. Precise GPS measurement taken by Grandian troops indicates that the telluric movement moved the entire city of Mérida 10.002 meters to the west. It is estimated that Ruteria's territory could have expanded by up to 1.3 km² as a result. Other nations have pledged assistance, but the nations of Troix and Greater Morsco, which would have provided a great deal of help, have been tied down because of a devastating earthquake which has caused an estimated 90,000 deaths in Greater Morsco alone, and pummeled the coastlines of both nations with a massive tsunami. Fortunately, the tsunami from the Ruterian earthquake will not cause much, if any, damage to Troix, as it will be only 15 centimeters high when it reaches that nation.

Rupert Apatax, our chief Ruterian correspondent, who was in the Communications Tower when it fell, and who would have otherwise reported on this earthquake, is currently missing. Some people have drawn a connection between this event, the earthquake that devasted Troix and Greater Morsco, and the ancient Mutir prophecy that supposedly predicted the end of the world; however, the available authorities dismissed any such connection as a coincidence. As of the time this article was written, a large detachment of Malonese troops was dispatched to the district of Txalapa, one of the most affected areas. More on this story as it develops.





Election Season is here!
by Samuel Hendrickson


Logo of the Elections
FRANCISTOWN, GRAND- Yup, it's that time of year; time to prepare to elect the new USNW government! The election season was officially opened a couple of days ago by the incumbent Executive Secretary, K. Smith of the Provincial Republic of New Chandler, who also announced his intentions to run for Chancellor. Charles Brown, the incumbent First Minister, from the Kingdom of Posillipo, also announced his intentions to run for the same office. Soon afterwards, Daniel Emperor, the incumbent Minister of Defense, from the Imperial Federal Kingdom of Grand, Belluterra, and Malo, decided to run for the office that Charles Brown is vacating. Kurt Smith, who is NOT relatedto, nor is he the same person as K. Smith of New Chandler, and is from Posillipo's commonwealth, the Commonwealth of Shayden, is running for the office of Executive Secretary. Off the topic of the Executive Offices, Emperor Daniel is also reportedly planning to run for a second term as Minister of Defense.




In other news...

- Despite extra security measures... King Charles' dachsund raids kitchen again, steals 3 steaks and 15 hot dogs
- Grand reportedly prepares for another round of nuke testing
- Residents of Frikseltown report that the Singing Potatoes have all been boiled and eaten by the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs
- Mysterious rabbit people seen flying around Area 52 in the deserts of Malo



Last edited by Daniel on Fri Dec 23, 2011 6:38 pm; edited 2 times in total

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again my condolences to the families affected, and good luck to all that step up to the plate and....Mysterious Rabbit people.......MY PEOPLE ARE HERE =D=D -grabs some bags and books a trip to Area 52- Laughing Laughing

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alerules22

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Amazing as Always ~!!!! MY POOR RUTERIA!!! Sad

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Condolences to Ruteria

D: Flying Rabbit People

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Chip

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Wonderful Newspaper. Smile


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stanislavsoltys

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Boneila at its best! Very Happy

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Daniel wrote:
- Residents of Frikseltown report that the Singing Potatoes have all been boiled and eaten by the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs
- Mysterious rabbit people seen flying around Area 52 in the deserts of Malo
I think you've got some explaining to do buddy Razz

K50 wrote:
Daniel wrote:
- Residents of Frikseltown report that the Singing Potatoes have all been boiled and eaten by the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs
- Mysterious rabbit people seen flying around Area 52 in the deserts of Malo
I think you've got some explaining to do buddy Razz
1) If you paid attention to earlier updates, you would see that the residents of Frikseltown are usually drunk out of their minds Wink Razz
2) No, they are not Boneilans (I think) Razz

To everyone else: THANKS A LOT FOR COMMENTING!!! Very Happy

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Doesnt anyone care about the health of the dog? .. My God people .. 15hotdogs and 3steaks.

Great looking news even though it is filled with tragedy.

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Ruteria is transforming!
by Rupert Apatax



Flag of the new Republic of Ruteria (above), which will replace the older, Monarchist flag (below)

MERIDA, RUTERIA- After weeks of protests in the Ruterian capital over the ongoing civil war, the monarchy, the problems with drug cartels, the government's handling of the devastating earthquake which took place a few weeks ago, and other such things, Her Majesty from Ruteria, Queen Monica I, has agreed to step down as Queen of Ruteria, ending her tenure as the youngest head of state in Ruterian history, and the last monarch of the Kingdom of Ruteria, which has lasted for centuries. However, due to a treaty signed earlier, she will continue to govern the Ruterian dependency of Linestecia on the other side of the Dacian Ocean, which will be granted sovereignty as the Independent Kingdom of Linestecia. The fate of the other Ruterian dependencies is as follows:

- The Territory of Zac Nicte, mostly situated along the coastline of the polar continent, Arktici, in the far north of Adonia, will be jointly administrated by the Independent Kingdom of Linestecia and the Republic of Ruteria.
- The royal palace-island of Scotlia, lying in the Alcadean Sea not far off the Posilliponian coastline, will be handed over to the Kingdom of Posillipo, although Queen Monica will continue to administrate it as an autonomous province.
- Any remaining Ruterian control over New Panutra will be relinquished, putting it under the complete control of Posillipo.

The fate of the State of Catlunia, which borders the Insulonian province of Andalusia to the north and the Kingdom of Mallano (which is not a USNW member state) to the west, is currently unclear, with reports variously stating that it will be handed over to Insulo, Mallano, or, according to some rumors circulating, it will have its independence restored. For the benefit of those who don't know, the two territories at the very westernmost tip of the Southwest Althena subcontinent, Catlunia and Andalusia, were created earlier this year, when the Republic of Insulo, with backing from a few other USNW members, staged an invasion of the Principality of Andalusia, titled Operation Firestorm, to prevent further official discrimination against ethnic Insulonians, which had the result of removing Andalusia as an independent nation from the map, and dividing it between Insulo and Ruteria, who were the primary victors in the war.

The interim Ruterian government has requested that, for the time being, 1) All embassies in Ruteria be closed by January 14; 2) All foreign relations be frozen by January 16; 3) All borders will be closed from the 19th to the 25th of January; 4) The Ruterian Delegation to the International Assembly must withdraw before January 19th; 5) All Ruterian ambassadors to other nations must leave by the same date; 6) All foreign troops and naval vessels must be out of the country by January 16.

The last requirement is going to cause plenty of trouble for Ruteria's two Brother-Countries the Imperial Federal Kingdom of Grand, Belluterra, and Malo, and the Utrovan Empire, as the two countries have well over 100,000 personnel stationed in Ruteria (mostly because of the Civil War), but have only a week to withdraw every single member of their militaries in the country. More on this story as it develops.





Scuffle breaks out in International Assembly
by Samuel Hendrickson


The International Assembly Building in New Chandler
NEW CHANDLER CITY, NEW CHANDLER- Earlier today, during voting on the subject of the proposed United Forces Bill 2012, a brief fight broke out when, after claiming that a "literal brawl/fist fight" was about to break out in the International Assembly, one of the delegates from Troix suddenly took off one of his shoes and threw it at the outgoing First Minister of the USNW, Charles "Chip" Brown, of Posillipo. Mr. Brown quickly ducked to avoid the shoe, which was then caught by Mr. John Marshall, the Grandian Representative to the International Assembly. He then threw the shoe at a security guard with a baseball bat, who then hit the shoe out of a window, breaking it, while Mr. Brown pulled out a knife (reportedly a simple butterknife) and hurled it at the Sanese delegate who threw the shoe, saying "Take that pooca".

The knife slightly injured the delegate, who then loudly proclaimed "food fight!" and took a banana from his briefcase. He then chucked it into the air, aiming at no one in particular, while most of the Grandians in the hall started pulling raspberries out of their pockets and throwing them at anyone and everyone, including each other. It was around this time that a raspberry was thrown at the outgoing Chancellor of the Union, Jon Clarke, of the Republic of Insulo. Fortunately however, the raspberry failed to strike him. Then, all of a sudden, a high-ranking corporate official, who was possibly working for the airline SaverJet, ran into the room with a toy airplane, and then broke off one of the engines, throwing it at Mr. Marshall. Marshall quickly ducked to avoid the incoming engine, which then hit the Sanese Representative, who was about to throw the aforementioned knife back at Mr. Brown. Most likely, it was because of being hit by the engine, toy though it was, that he completely missed the First Minister, the knife instead glancing off one of the walls of the Hall and falling to the ground harmlessly.

Around this time, Kurt Smith, the Shaydenite Representative and the current Executive Secretary-elect, entered the room, but was quickly stabbed by another banana that someone threw, and fell to the floor unconscious, due to his allergy to bananas. Mr. Marshall then decided to sit down in the middle of all the confusion and eat some hamburgers, but he didn't get very far, as another Representative, apparently from Rheinland, one of the Union's newest members, ran up and clubbed him in the head with a few very large sausages, just as the corporate official, who remarkably hadn't been arrested yet, broke off another engine from the toy and again threw it at the Grandian Representative. However, once again, the engine missed him, and then struck the Sanese Representative yet again, just as he was proclaiming the beginning of a "real fist fight".

After the Sanese delegate hit the ground again, some of Mr. Smith's aides sent out a "super" computer virus which was intended to infect all the computers in the city, but as it turned out, not a single computer was affected by the "attack". Moments after this, Mr. Smith woke up, and then immediately left the Hall, obviously not in the mood for being struck by another banana. Almost as soon as he had left, Mr. Matthew, the New Friscian Representative, walked into the room, and as soon as he had done so, everyone stopped fighting, although the First Minister tossed a firecracker out of the broken window a few minutes later, which then landed harmlessly in the gardens below.

All together, the fight lasted only 6 minutes, or 12 minutes if the explosion of the firecracker is counted as the true end to the fight. Weapons & "weapons" involved were: 1 shoe, 1 baseball bat, 1 knife, >2 bananas, an unknown quantity of raspberries (estimated to be in the lower hundreds), several fists, 2 jet engines, 2 hamburgers, 3 large sausages, 1 "super" computer virus, & 1 firecracker. Official responses to the brawl have varied, from Troix (followed by Grand) dismissing their Representatives, Genryoku Akao (Troix) and John Marshall (Grand) and replacing them with Shinchiro Sekai (Sanese MP for Sekigahara Prefecture) and Daniel Emperor (current First Minister-elect), respectively, to the Ruterian Delegation lamenting their disappointment in finding that the other delegates were not "high-class formal people", to the statement of the corporate official (who shall remain anonymous), who, when asked if he knew why the brawl started, simply stated "Because awesome."





In other news...

- Fortilla Diplomatic Summit in Fortilla, Troix enters its fourth day
- The Adonian Winter X Games have begun! Click here to see the opening ceremony!
- Residents of Frikseltown report that the Giant Mutant Monster Frogs have started barking and howling like never before
- "Mysterious rabbit people" revealed to be a teenager's prank

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alerules22

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Excellent Newspaper, simply love it.

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